Monday, August 18, 2008
moving woes and my future husband?
okay. we've talked about this for months and months. and now it's coming to be....my bf's moving in with me by the end of this month. i've been making space, throwing things away, letting go of stuff...and past situations....but i've been having second thoughts.
we've talked a bit about getting married and creating a life together, and we've been through so much - good and bad...moving in seems like the next natural step for us (please dont fight with me about getting married first; in today's economy, two wallets are better than one and i would much rather live with him than some random roommate), but i'm suddenly getting cold feet.
now, i've always had reservations about getting married. unlike most women who couldn't wait to jump the broom, i've always felt that i could stand to wait a while longer. the idea of "forever, ever" with someone has always been scary to me....but being with him these last few years have made me think that it may not be so bad....
at the same time, we are sooo different. we have a great friendship where we'll always have each other's back, but we argue over random miscommunications and serious past transgressions between us. some of it i attribute to growing pains as we learn to deal with each other, but sometimes i wonder if we can make it past dating and into marriage. and moving in is showing me just how much anxiety i have over all of this.
when i talk to him about it, he says that he has no doubts about moving in. still, in our last argument, he said he wasn't sure if this was the right thing. after we made up, he assured me that he is fully committed to making this relationship and living situation work.
maybe i'm being paranoid. maybe my inner self is trying to send some smoke signals my way....i'm not quite sure. in the meantime, i'm trying to relax and not make the transition more difficult than it needs to be. still, i can't lie and say i'm not nervous about this. i know that this move will either make or break us....