Tuesday, August 26, 2008

when did you KNOW that you were ready?

check out my first attempt at doing a strawset with pipe cleaners...i managed to find some black ones over the weekend and tried them out overnight...whaddya think? (btw, my hair isn't colored, but the last pic makes me wanna to try it out)

...i was sold on sisterlocks from the moment i began researching them in may '08. i spent a few weeks stalking lockitup, fotki albums, and blogs, then decided to take the plunge...somehow, the decision to lock seemed so much more difficult than my decision to stop perming my hair. braids, twists, cornrows, etc. made the transition from perms to natural hair quite easy...but locks are so much more permanent. i was scared to lock out of fear that i wouldn't like my hair and would have to later cut it off (my head is way too big for a buzz cut! lol!) but sisterlocks offers all the styling versatility i've been looking for without the fuss of having to comb hair everyday (or for hours a week - that's precious sleep time in the morning!)...my only regret is that i didn't know about sisterlocks sooner...

since i've been locked down, others around me have been contemplating the same decision. everyone's at different points in their hair journeys...some not willing to let go of their perms quite yet ("girl, i like your hair, but i couldn't do that...") some already natural, but not ready to lock ("i don't know if that would look good on me...you have the face for it") some who've been locked, but wish they knew of sisterlocks before they started ("i want parts like yours")...people lock their hair for all kinds of reasons and circumstances...

...when did you KNOW that you were ready for locks? do you think you would have been ready sooner? where are you in your hair journey?

Monday, August 18, 2008

moving woes and my future husband?

okay. we've talked about this for months and months. and now it's coming to be....my bf's moving in with me by the end of this month. i've been making space, throwing things away, letting go of stuff...and past situations....but i've been having second thoughts.

we've talked a bit about getting married and creating a life together, and we've been through so much - good and bad...moving in seems like the next natural step for us (please dont fight with me about getting married first; in today's economy, two wallets are better than one and i would much rather live with him than some random roommate), but i'm suddenly getting cold feet.

now, i've always had reservations about getting married. unlike most women who couldn't wait to jump the broom, i've always felt that i could stand to wait a while longer. the idea of "forever, ever" with someone has always been scary to me....but being with him these last few years have made me think that it may not be so bad....

at the same time, we are sooo different. we have a great friendship where we'll always have each other's back, but we argue over random miscommunications and serious past transgressions between us. some of it i attribute to growing pains as we learn to deal with each other, but sometimes i wonder if we can make it past dating and into marriage. and moving in is showing me just how much anxiety i have over all of this.

when i talk to him about it, he says that he has no doubts about moving in. still, in our last argument, he said he wasn't sure if this was the right thing. after we made up, he assured me that he is fully committed to making this relationship and living situation work.

maybe i'm being paranoid. maybe my inner self is trying to send some smoke signals my way....i'm not quite sure. in the meantime, i'm trying to relax and not make the transition more difficult than it needs to be. still, i can't lie and say i'm not nervous about this. i know that this move will either make or break us....

Saturday, August 9, 2008

My Geni Tree is Growing!

I am so grateful to my girl for introducing me to this website....www.geni.com. On this website you can create a permanent online record of your family history. Initially, I thought this site would be kinda fun to play around with; I had no idea how wonderful this website was! I've been hooked on it since day 1. Further, I've managed to connect with family I haven't heard from in years. Most importantly, I encouraged my sister to find her father's family members. She never had a relationship with her father because my mother divorced him while she was still a baby. Though my father raised her like his own, she always wondered about the man she looked like....Unfortunately, we found out a couple days ago that he passed back in 1984. The good news is my sister was able to talk to her aunts and a couple of her cousins. The ironic thing in all of this: her father had two other daughts whom he named after my sister's namesake. Yes, this man has a daughter named Nikkoe and two others named Nicole. Indeed, he was a strange man. (I personally think it's tacky that the man has three children with virtually the same name, but still kinda endearing how he never forgot his first born baby girl.) either way, i'm happy for her. and looking forward to meeting more of my own family members...our family tree looks so complex, with 2nd and 3rd marriages branching off into other family trees. some folks have kids with no mention of a partner involved...as one of my older relatives stated, "we are truly a special family".

by the way, i'm 8 weeks locked and loving it!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

that's real neo-soul, real erykah badu-ey!"

I kept my hair in a pseudo updo with the front curled when i went to a party this weekend. My guy friend who was throwing the party was the first to compliment my hair. Then another girl at the party (sporting a full head of blossoming micros) seemed immediately infatuated with my hair....

"OOooooo, girl! I love your hair! That's real neo-soul, real erykah badu-ey. I like that! Is it braids or yarn in there? Can I touch it? How long do you keep that in?"

I was so tickled by her comments. At the same time, I kept thinking to myself, "girl, take out all that fake hair!" i mean, it was a lion's mane! but i can't judge her. i used to rock my braids and twists and wigs with a fierceness unmatched by any. but since getting locked, my whole perception has changed. i still like longer lengths and curls and braided styles, but i prefer them on natural heads. now, i don't want to seem elitist; i just want my sistas to appreciate their own God given beauty - and know that we can still grow our own hair to there without using perms, weaves, and pieces...it took me years to understand this. but now..."can you feel it? brand new day! can you feel it? brand new dayyyy!!!"

okay, i'm dramatic, but you get my point ;o)

Friday, August 1, 2008

reactions thus far...

hate on me, hater
now or later
cuz i'm gonna do me
you'll be mad, baby!

(go on and hate)
go on and hate on me hater
cuz i'm not afraid of
what i gotta pay for

you can hate on me...

(don't you just love jill scott's new song, "hate on me"? ;o) thats my newest theme song for 2008. but i digress)

i've gotten some really mixed responses concerning my locks...my family is split. my daddy, as always, is supportive as ever. he's not used to me with short hair, but if i like it, he loves it. my sister loves my hair and was moved to try to get microbraids that mimicked the look of sisterlocks (she has some issues with hair loss, so she hasn't done it yet). my grandmother was too funny when she first saw my locks. "kiki, is that how they're supposed to look? and you paid how much?! well, alright..." my aunts love it - they think it looks kinda cute and spunky short.

my mother hasn't said that she likes my hair yet. having been raised on the motto, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," i know this means that she's not too crazy about them. at least not now. i think she's waiting to see how they'll look down the road, since i showed her pictures of matured locks before i got mine installed. eventually i hope i can convince her to go natural. she's been relaxing her hair for decades. recently, her hair is thinning from overprocessing and coloring. (even though she hates it, my mother has a wicked streak of beautiful gray hair at the front of her hair. i love it, and i hope i go gray in the same pattern.) i think going natural might help her appreciate her gray, but i think she's scared of her natural texture. she doesn't want to cut her hair off, but she can't stand the new growth either. plus, she never thought she would look good with braids (she's never tried them either), so transitioning for her is hard to imagine. she's used to diy perms and color kits and never goes to the salon...maybe i can convert her in another 6-9 months when my hair is longer and begins to settle....

6 weeks SL'd! ....Lock dreams?

check out my pretend updo @ 6 weeks. my hair is still pretty short, but i think its cute ;o)

wow. time is really flying by fast. every day i love my hair even more than the day before! though i wish i had more length, i'm happy that i cut much of the straighter hair off before locking it. the few straight ends up front aren't nearly as fun as the cute lil coils forming elsewhere on my head, but they're trying to get some bend to 'em. had i kept the length, i don't think my SLs would look the same. they probably wold have been really thin and scrawly. i'm have some bouts of lock envy now and then (particularly of those with shoulder length curls or curly bob styles), but overall i'm proud of my babies and happy with my decision to get SLs. i just wish i had done it sooner.

during my retightening tuesday, i thought about how locking my hair is influencing every aspect of my lfe....for example, around week 3, i began having what i call lock dreams. my boyfriend, whose about 18 months into his second set of locks, told me that i would have them when my hair began to grow out. but i didnt pay attention. until they started. in one dream, my cousin (who does my boyfriend's locks and did my braids for the better part of the past few years) insisted on maintaining my locks. in the dream my locks were already mature and hanging near my bra strap. i mean, i had a fierce set of locks! now, my cousin made up some kind of creamy, greasy white mixture and smeared it all over my locks, telling me that i needed something in my hair to keep my locks looking good. in the meantime, i'm panicking, telling her i didn't want her in my head and that my consultant didn't use products in my hair. i rush to rinse the mixture out and ALL of my hair falls out - smooth/clean off my head! bald. i woke up, sitting straight up in bed, grabbing at my locks. (my consultant believes that it means that someone was trying to force me to do something that i was dead set against and that i need to stay away from them. very telling.) in another dream, my boyfriend was threatening to cut my locks. it's fair to say that i have dreams related directly to my hair at least 2x a week. anyone else?